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Elements of the Fantasy Encounter
 
Why start with a Fantasy Encounter? It’s the natural place to begin. You’ve heard it said many times: Sex begins in the brain. A cliché? Yes, but it’s still true. Too often busy men and women repress or ignore their sexual thoughts and urges. Rather than enjoying a brief erotic mental interlude fantasizing what that women on the train looks like naked or how that rugged construction worker might kiss, they censor their thoughts. I don’t have the time to fantasize about making love. Or, I’m working now, I shouldn’t be thinking about being ravished on a desert island. Or, I shouldn’t speculate about what that man/woman would be like in bed because I’m married. Those sexual thoughts and fantasies are not a waste of time or a betrayal of the intimate bond.

But they can be more than stolen solitary pleasures. Think of fantasies as instant and powerful aphrodisiacs. Many people are too inhibited, guilty, or confused about what their fantasies mean to take advantage of them as the natural sexual stimulants they are. A fantasy about some one other than your partner or about a sex act you wouldn’t commit can wake up libido and make you sexier for the one you’re with.

That everyone has sexual fantasies is a well-documented fact. Researchers now believe that women have nearly as many fantasies as men and were simply under-reporting their erotic daydreams way back in the 1950s when they said they didn’t have them. A decade ago, Nancy Friday reported the then-startling news in her book Women on Top that women’s fantasies had become more graphic and overtly sexual and aggressive since she first studied them in the 1970s. We all fantasize. Our fantasies are not always about true love and roses. And that’s good!

The Fantasy Encounter stimulates this natural talent that is latent in all of us. That’s why it is the first activity of the week. Its purpose is to excite desire, very likely a higher level of desire than either partner has felt in a long time. The Fantasy Encounter is mental foreplay for the Provocative Encounters to come.

Here are the steps to creating a Fantasy Encounter:

  1. Set aside thirty minutes of quiet time on Sunday.
  2. Create your fantasy by mutually developing an erotic story that is arousing to both partners. Be creative.
  3. Keep your goals in mind while creating your fantasy.
  4. If some parts of the fantasy are objectionable to one partner, eliminate them. Or, adapt them. For example, instead of anal sex, fantasize intercourse in the rear-entry position.
  5. Refrain from all physical contact. Stimulate each other through dialogue.
 
Elements of the Provocative Encounters
An intense but brief erotic encounter has numerous advantages over a bout of the same old lovemaking—the kind of sex that motivated you to look for a better way. Couples who think sex can’t be “good” if it isn’t a time-consuming event learn that it can be very good in ten minutes. They expand their definition of sex to include mutual masturbation, fellatio, or cunnilingus without intercourse, even intercourse following more mental than physical “foreplay.”

The Provocative Encounters are physical encounters that last at least ten minutes and include passionate kissing, manual and oral stimulation of one or both partner’s genitals, plus the use of one sex toy. They don’t include intercourse during the first week of the program. For couples who’ve been together a long time, sex without intercourse can seem almost illicit. There’s nothing like the feeling of doing something naughty or forbidden to increase desire. Orgasms are, of course, always preferred but not required.

A Provocative Encounter, like the Fantasy Encounter, is a planned event. It may be spontaneous after you’ve completed the program, but don’t wait for the mood to strike now. Planning Encounters creates desire and arousal.

Here are the steps to creating a Provocative Encounter:

  1. Prepare in advance. Organize the when, where, and how of Provocative Encounters. And use the Fantasy Encounter as mental foreplay throughout the week.
  2. Select a time and space free from intrusions.
  3. Incorporate new techniques, new toys, and new positions into the Encounters.
  4. Act desire—even if you don’t feel it.
  5. Vary positions and activities with every Encounter. Don’t do the same thing twice! And, don’t forget the afterplay.
 
Why is Sex So Important
Sex begets more sex. Studies conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) show that the more sex you have, the more you’ll want. Why is that good?

Sex is good for your body. Lovemaking, particularly if it includes orgasm, boosts production of estrogen and testosterone, improves cardiovascular conditioning, and elevates the level of the brain chemicals associated with desire. But, there’s more. Studies have also shown that sex relieves the minor pain of headaches and arthritis and other complaints, possibly because the brain releases endorphins and other neuropeptides, the body’s natural painkillers, during orgasm. In women, regular sex can prevent some of the dryness and slackness of muscle tone in the vagina that accompanies menopause.

Sex is good for your relationship. Sexual activity helps a couple feel connected to each other. If one partner has been missing sex more than the other, he or she feels more loving now that his or her needs are being met. Emotional and sexual intimacy is enhanced by consistent lovemaking.
 
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Dr. Pasahow, developed the 21-Day Passion Fix Program as a response to the needs of her patients whose number one complaint was no time/no energy for sex. The program's success rate of over 90% has been astounding and gratifying to her. She is the only therapist nationwide using this particular form of treatment.

What’s the first thing to go when you’re busy, tired, and stressed? If you said sex, you’re not alone. An estimated 24 million American women say they don’t have time, are too exhausted, or just aren’t in the mood for sex, and more than a third of Redbook readers say that being too tired is their number one excuse for not having sex. So we put it off for later-but later can easily become never. In case you haven’t noticed, abstinence doesn’t make the loins grow hotter, it just begets more abstinence...

Get ready to recharge your batteries. Carole Pasahow, a Fair Lawn, NJ, sex and marital therapist, has designed a program especially for overworked, overstressed couples. These couples have no sexual dysfunction; their only problem is that they have no time.

Dr. Pasahow’s “21-Day Passion Fix Program” led to a feature article,“The Sex Trick Busy Couples Swear By”, in the March, 2001 issue of Redbook magazine.